Madness
by LadyAdarah
Summary: completed story currently being edited. will post in full when i've finished editing it.
1. Chapter 1

**Madness**

_Dark events bring many Discworld characters together. Susan, Vetinari, Vimes, Angua, Death, the Librarian and the Wizards. And a few original characters of course. This is my first fan-fic ever, so I hope you like what I've written so far, got the rest all planned out and will hopefully update soon!_

_Disclaimer: Discworld and its characters are all Terry Pratchett's of course and not mine_

_Edit: finally got round to editing the 1st chapter, yay! I hope most of those pesky little mistakes have now been removed, sorry for them being there in the first place!_

**Chapter 1:**

**Scene 1:**

"Doesn't she have beautiful hair Susan?" Katerina said while brushing her new doll's hair gently.

"Yes, she does," Susan answered.

Katerina had received the doll only that day, as a birthday present from her parents. Today was the girl's 6th birthday. The doll had long, shiny blond hair; just like Katerina. It looked very similar to what she imagined Katerina might look like in the future. Tall, perfect figure, questionable dress sense (that is, dressed all in pink), but well, all in all, very good looking. The only difference between the doll and the little girl was the colour of the eyes, as Katerina's were huge and hazel, whereas the doll's were blue.

"When I grow up, I want to be a princess, too!" the little girl giggled.

"I will be a princess and marry a very handsome prince. Every princess needs a prince, you know."

"You know, you could easily make your own way in the world without the help of a prince, Katerina," Susan said without emotion in her voice.

"You only say that because you aren't a princess and therefore don't have a prince," Katerina said quite innocently.

That was the problem with kids, Susan reasoned, they could be so cruel without even knowing it. It had now been two and half years, she reflected, since she'd left her 'prince'.

"Well, you've had quite an exciting day Katerina, you really should go to sleep now."

"Susan, what if the bed bugs want to bite me again?" Katerina asked, using all her acting skills to inject a hint of terror into her voice.

Susan's heart softened. Everyone's heart did when faced with that pair of large brown eyes. Of all the children she had taught throughout her career, Katerina was the most well behaved and innocent of them all. Even so, she was of course still trying to deviously manipulate people into letting her stay up late every night.

Susan shook her head, "They won't bite you tonight. There, right next to your bed on your bedside table is a pin cushion. Remember how I taught you to stab them with those needles?"

She waited for the little girl to nod before she continued, "They won't forget that lesson in a while. You probably won't be bothered, the pin cushion alone will scare them. Now go to sleep."

The little girl nodded her head and pulled the covers up towards her. Even Susan had to admit, she was a bit of an angel.

"Susan?"

Well, except that she never wanted to go to bed and kept asking questions every five seconds.

"Yes, Katerina?"

"Don't you think we should tuck Princess in as well?"

Susan rolled her eyes, but she still went to pick up the doll and tuck her in next to Katerina. She was paid to teach the child not nanny it.

"Now go to sleep, no more tricks."

Susan kissed Katerina good night.

As Susan descended the stairs to wish Lady Contandi goodnight, she reflected upon the fact that the interior decoration of the house reflected Lord Contandi's character very well indeed. Large oil paintings of his illustrious ancestors hung on every wall, books detailing military campaigns his family had taken part in were arranged effectively on the book shelves. Twerp's peerage lay open on a table in the hall. By the looks of things, and Susan admitted she wasn't the best judge in this area, the carpets were imported from Klatch and very fine indeed.

For two and half years now Susan had worked as a governess for quite a few of Ankh-Morpork's lords and ladies. Unlike a traditional governess, she had her own accommodation in the city and merely visited the various families in order to teach their children. Her employers were generally quite rich and tended to view anyone who couldn't trace their ancestors back at least 500 years as a 'thing' not worth speaking to. It was the fact that she was the current Duchess of Sto Helit that had secured her her recent string of lucrative jobs. This family was the only one she was currently working with, though, but it seemed a few more appointments were just around the corner.

Lord Bernard Contandi was so determined to demonstrate that his family was still wealthy and important, that he insisted on living beyond the means of most of the Discworld's kings. His only daughter's birthday party had been incredibly extravagant and lavish. She wondered how they could afford that. Her eyes darted towards a few bronze candle sticks, which had recently appeared to replace the gold ones. Of course no one was meant to notice that. Lord Contandi would rather die than admit that the golden age of the aristocracy might have come to an end under Vetinari.

"How's Katerina doing?" Lady Contandi asked as Susan entered the sitting room.

"She likes her new presents. They are very nice indeed, though not exactly educational."

"Hm. They are of the highest quality, from the best toy-maker in Ankh-Morpork. Ah, I do worry some times..."

"Yes?"

Susan waited for an explanation, but it seemed the Lady Contandi hadn't really been engaging conversation with her. She was focusing on some point in the distance behind Susan.

What was the point in having better people skills, really? Susan decided it hadn't really made that much difference to her life. She may now be able to recognise that other people were more than just temporarily assorted dust particles, but the conversations she was having with them, weren't really worth the effort.

When Lady Contandi duly returned her attention to the present she nodded at Susan, "Well, you're still young, only 19?"

"More like 23."

"Yes, very young. Not many problems in your life yet, you wouldn't understand. You still think life is a ... a giant cake. All you have to do is eat it."

Susan actually blinked. Who did this woman think she was and was she coming down with a fever? Did she realise she was addressing Susan and not her daughter?

Lady Contandi, still staring off into the distance, finally continued, "Good night, Miss Sto Helit. I suppose... Lord Contandi will be back soon."

Ah, so that's what she was worrying about, Susan thought.

The little girl's birthday was in the middle of summer, and so the sun had only just set on the Discworld. The light was still slowly draining out of the city as Susan walked home. And Susan wondered not for the first time why she was here. Why was she not with Lobsang, wondering around eternity as she had for the last 15 years? Her mind at least was older than Lady Contandi gave her credit. Ah yes, she'd wanted a normal life, as a human. That was why she'd left Lobsang. She sighed. It had been the right decision, for the two of them to part ways, it still was. Their relationship had run its course. It still hurt terribly though. It pained her right now that she wasn't with him. In the end, there had been no more he could offer her, as he couldn't join her here in Ankh-Morpork as a human and live a... sigh... normal life.

**Scene 2:**

The corridors of the student halls of residence of the Unseen University were dark and empty. This was because midnight had long gone and most students were out enjoying Ankh-Morpork's night life. They'd only come back to sleep off their hangovers once the sun went up.

Tonight though, one young student was standing in a corridor on the 2nd floor, next to a window facing the university. A little light from a street lamp in the road outside illuminated his face. The skin on his forehead was damp. As he clasped his hands together, he realised his palms were sweaty, too. He couldn't stop fidgeting and had to stop himself from putting his hands in his pockets. He closed his eyes and hugged himself tightly at the thought of what he was carrying in his pocket. The young student wizard peered out of the window. Then he thought he heard a sound behind him. He turned round instantly. Nothing, he must have been mistaken. He could hear his heart beating against his ribcage furiously. His gaze returned to the street outside. A man in a dark coat walked along it.

"Reuben," a voice whispered in his ear.

The student wizard named Reuben jumped a few feet into the air and gasped. It felt as though his body was glued to the spot, so he didn't turn around. Instead he refocused his eyes and looked at his reflection in the window pane. In it, he saw that a tall man was standing right behind him. The man's face was dominated by his extraordinarily large cauliflower shaped nose.

Reuben's breaths were coming in short, high pitched gasps now.

"Do you have it?" the man asked.

The wizard squeaked and nodded.

"Excellent," the man said. His E's were slightly aspirated, though not so much as to make them H's. This man wasn't trying to be posh, he actually was posh. The man grinned. Until then, Reuben's eyes had been wide with fear, but he had to close his eyes, as he couldn't bare the sight of his debtor's grin. The whole of his face was one big grin, from his teeth to his eyes.

"Well, then. Hand it over," the man said gruffly.

Reuben realised he had been holding his breath... he let it out in another short gasp.

"Hand it over now, and I will ... forget the little matter of your debt. Neither I, nor Chrysoprase, will come looking for you ever again. Unless of course," he laughed quietly, "you should end up playing cards with us and betting more money than you actually have," he paused and then added carefully, "again."

He tightened his grip on Reuben's shoulder as he said this and dug his fingertips into the young student's shoulder.

Reuben gulped hard.

"I've got it here."

He reached into his robe and pulled a small velvet money bag out of his inside pocket. The sack made a noise that sounded disturbingly like a personal insult towards his mother.

He handed it over to the lord behind him. Still not daring to turn around and look him in the face.

"So how does it work?"

"I, I... I don't know. You told me to get it, I knew where it was as Ponder had been working on it for quite some time. My mate was in his 'magical discovery aid group'. I don't know how to use it."

He closed his eyes and his muscles instinctively steeled themselves for a violent reprove.

"Do you know what it is capable of?" The lord growled into his ear in a startlingly soft tone.

"Sort of," he answered, and then added, as that didn't seem to be the answer the lord behind him was waiting for, "It's like a huge encyclopaedia. One that you don't need to write first though."

"How accurate is it?"

"As accurate as the questions you can come up with, I suppose."

"If I gave you some money now, for you efforts, would it be able to tell me how you will spend it?"

Reuben gave this some thought, then hesitantly ventured, "No, it can't tell the future, or look into other dimensions, or calculate anything for that matter. I think, I'm not sure. But, but it knows all about the present. Anything in the present. Or past... I think."

He squeaked, he hope that wasn't the wrong answer. The right answer being which ever one kept him alive the longest.

The man banged Reuben's head against the corridor wall where the student crumbled up and slid down the wall. A few seconds later a heavy bag of coins smacked into Reuben's body.

"Take that and make sure you drink enough to forget the last few days."

Reuben had every intention of following that order. The last few days had seen him fall into debt when gambling with not only that man, but also with Chrysoprase. How had that happened? He was always so careful when he cheated. His head hurt form the impact and he didn't dare move yet. That bloody posh aristocrat had threatened to have him kicked out of university and incarcerated if he didn't pay up or steal this new device that Ponder had been working on. Things had just gone wrong so badly, how had he ended up a thief all of a sudden? At least there was a chance that no one would ever find out who stole the device. Better than his chances against Chrysoprase anyway. Reuben's sighed. He really needed a stiff drink. Best head down to the drum and forget about it all.

**Scene 3: **

Vimes crossed the road so that he could get away from the smell of the damp, burnt out wreckage. The once proud mansion house, just a few doors down from the Ramkin mansion on the most exclusive street in Ankh, was now nothing more than a burnt-out shell. The fire had raged all throughout the night and the fire crews had only just left the scene **[1]**. Now his men (and women) and dwarfs and trolls and ... yes, there was probably an imp somewhere too, had moved in to assess the situation. It was not looking good. The neighbours had reported the fire, not the occupants. None of the occupants were anywhere to be found as it turned out. Vimes pitied the officers he had sent into the house. Cheery had gone in along with Detritus in order to protect her from falling rafters and rubble. Angua was also on her way. He had already questioned the neighbours of course. There had been a huge birthday party. Everyone had been invited it seemed, well he hadn't, but whatever. It had finished early afternoon and the fire had broken out later that night, around midnight probably.

Nobby joined him: "Here's a copy of this mornin's time, sir. Thought you might wanna look at it, seein' as how it's coverin' the fire and ev'rything."

"Thank you, Nobby," Vimes said and took the paper from him.

The fire had indeed made the front page of the Ankh-Morpork times. Vimes marvelled at how De Word managed to write an article on this fire which was lamenting the fact it had taken place and what a tragedy it was/might turn out to be, but on the other hand still manage to include a heavy dose of politics and personal criticism against the Lord Contandi, who's house it was.

"Have you seen Angua, Nobby?"

"No, sir! Came straight here after my patrol tonight. Knew you'd be here and would appreciate a copy of the news."

"De Word's background information on the family was useful. Heavily in debt, staunch aristocrats and hated Vetinari's guts. Blamed him for the demise of the aristocracy. I wonder how he managed to find out about those heavy debts so quickly?"

"Wouldn't know sir. I'm sure he has his sources though."

"Ah, that must be the governess," Vimes said as he caught sight of Captain Carrot and a young girl with white hair.

Well, it was white apart from one streak. Maybe she wasn't as young as she first seemed either. Vimes couldn't make up his mind as to her age really.

"Susan Sto Helit, nice to meet you, Commander."

She extended her hand towards his. Vimes shook it and turned to the burnt-out mansion.

"I've already talked to the neighbours. They informed me that you would probably have been the last to leave the house after the birthday party yesterday. Does that sound about right?"

"Yes, I left at sunset. About 8 o'clock. The Lady Contandi and her daughter were in the house when I left, but Lord Contandi disappeared just after the birthday celebrations were over. She seemed quite put off by this, so I put Katerina to bed, before saying good bye."

Susan looked over at the wreckage and asked, "Who was in the house?"

Vimes was shocked by the lack of hysterical crying he had expected from the governess. This wasn't your usual governess he concluded, or was he thinking of nannies?

"The Captain has already informed me that none of the family can be found anywhere," Susan added.

"We should know very soon who, if anyone, was inside," Vimes responded equally gravely.

At that moment two of his officers could be seen exiting the burnt-out shell. He had been correct. Cheery and Detritus' job had not been an enviable one.

"Two bodies, sir. One young child. The other one, probably the lady of the house," Cheery reported.

Vimes looked over to Susan and noticed how her jaw was set hard and her eyes were fixed on the house. So she did care, Vimes thought. He was relieved.

"We don't know yet what caused the fire, but it started at the back of the mansion and slowly made its way towards the front of the building," Cheery continued.

"Both mother and daughter seem to have died in their beds, that's all I can say. Sir, I would like permission for Igor to look at the bodies. I am not convinced that they died in the fire. It seems odd that they would have slept through it. Especially the child. Children breath very shallowly. It... takes a lot longer for them to die of smoke inhalation. The sound the blaze at the rear of the mansion should have woken her up. We can't be sure though, of course. I just want to make sure, sir."

"Did the family have many enemies?" Vimes asked Susan.

"Well, I don't think I can tell you anything that the neighbours won't have told you already. Lord Contandi hated the new order of the city under Lord Vetinari."

"He was also in a lot of debt, according to the Times. Did you know that Susan?"

"No, I didn't. It makes sense though. Everything he bought seemed expensive and he lavished his daughter with gifts. I noticed a few gold pieces being replaced with brass ones a while back. I suppose that could have been to pay off some debts."

"Ah, there's Angua."

Angua ran up towards them.

"Sir, Lord Vetinari is gone," she panted. At this point Vimes was glad he was wearing a helmet. Otherwise he might have just pulled out all his hair.

"What do you mean, gone?"

"On my way here, I bumped into Drumknott, who was hysterical. Really. He said Lord Vetiniari had been abducted. So I came straight here to you with the news. Drumknott is waiting for us at the palace."

Vimes left the scene of destruction. Angua and Susan followed him as he headed off towards the palace. Vimes wasn't even aware that Susan was part of the party until they arrived at the palace. He'd been too busy 'being a copper'. He'd tried to make connections. There didn't seem to be any between the fire and Lord Vetinari disappearing. Lord Contandi hated Vetinari, as did everyone in the city, that was about as good as the connection got. He still had a bad feeling about it all, though. He was a suspicious bastard after all.

**[1]** Soon all the fire crews in Ankh arrived, checked the brass plaque on the gate and about half of them left again because the family had only paid in-sewer-ants to the largest local fire services.


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm assuming here that Susan and Angua have met before and are friends. Here's an excellent fanfic about the two meeting: www . fanfiction . net/s/2820789/1/Well_met_by_Candlelight by Mad Possum_

_Thanks a lot to the amazing Charli800 for beta-reading this chapter!_

_Disclaimer: Discworld and its characters are all Terry Pratchett's of course and not mine_

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

**Scene 1:**

Susan, walking abreast with Sergeant Angua, was struggling slightly to keep up with commander Vimes as he strode towards the palace. "Angua," she asked, "What is Commander Vimes really like?"

The two of them had met in Biers, where their 'type' hung out, just over a year ago and had become quite good friends.

"What do you mean?" Angua panted.

"Well, naturally I've not exactly heard glorious portrayals of him and the Patrician. What I want to know is, is he going to pay enough attention to the deaths of the Contandis?" A hard lump was forming in Susan's throat as she thought of Katerina.

"Oh, don't worry, Susan. He will. If it was a crime and there is anyone to blame, he will do everything he can."

"So he'll only take interest in it if it's blatantly a crime?"

"Susan, quite a few officers of the watch are currently doing there best to find out what happened."  
They were quiet for a while, just concentrating on keeping up with Vimes.

Then Angua added: "But right now, he has to deal with the disappearance of the Patrician."  
Susan might have been surprised to know that her mind and Vimes' were currently thinking along similar paths. She too was trying to work out if there could be any connection between the fire that had claimed the life of the little angel Katerina and the fact that the Patrician had gone missing. And she too was coming to the conclusion that there was no clear link. The Contandis did take their hate of the Patrician to the extreme, she reflected, but there were others in Ankh-Morpork who did the same; they rejected using tradesmen who had only flourished due to Vetinari's influence or declined dinner party invitations from the new civic leaders. The Contandis probably avoided all contact with Vimes himself. She had to trust Angua that Vimes would still investigate the matter impartially, but it left a deep rage inside her. She would not leave things to chance this time; she would follow Vimes around to make sure he wasn't missing anything.

She was surprised to note that despite his fast pace and his age he was barely out of breath when he reached the palace. Vimes turned around.

"Miss Sto-Helit, what are you still doing here? You can go home now." Susan turned round immediately and started to walk back. She smiled as she noted that this took Vimes by surprise, as there was a bit of a pause before he addressed anyone else. Then Susan turned round on her heel and walked straight back towards the palace, willing herself to be invisible to others around her. And so she joined Vimes, Carott and Angua again.

"Drumknott, what is this all about?" Vimes bellowed when they got through the gates and found a man dressed in gray running towards them.

The man was clearly shaken.

"He was due for a few meetings this morning, all of which he has missed. I was expecting him to read through a few reports even before that. I was worried then, but when he missed the meetings I went to his bedroom. He's not there. His bed is unmade, but that's all I can tell."  
He was already leading them through the palace's corridors. He stopped in the middle of a corridor in front of a seemingly black stretch of wall and touched it in several places. A door, which Susan swore had most definitely not occupied that space just a few seconds ago, swung open. Several more secret doors later, they found themselves in the Patrician's bedchamber. It contained a large, old four-poster bed, a desk, a lot of bookshelves and an old worn wardrobe. A door on the other side of the chamber seemed to lead to a small bathroom. Susan saw that the Patrician's diary lay open on his desk. There wasn't really much to be seen . A set of clothes, presumably Lord Vetinari's, lay neatly folded on a chair.

The man named Drumknott started talking, but as he was just repeating what he had explained earlier, Susan took the opportunity to take a closer look at the Patrician's belongings. His room wasn't as impersonal as it had seemed on the first glance. There were some interesting artefacts on his bookshelf. The first object that caught her attention was an incredibly old-looking spear head. Its middle was wrapped with a gold band. She knew that if she took off the gold band she would find a miniature wooden stake inside it, along with a nail made out of silver. That spear was almost certainly the Imperial Spear, an ancient, regal symbol of power in Überwald. It was priceless.

She knew what it was and what it symbolised, because she had been there, nearly one thousand years ago, when the king of Überwald had had it made (that is, stolen it off some poor sod of a blacksmith) and gone to battle against the werewolves and vampires with it. Lobsang had taken her back to that place in time, and many others, so she could witness the historic moments of civilisations past and present.

Ah, Lobsang. In the fifteen years she had spend travelling with him, through time and space, he had shown her the wonders of the Disc from its creation to... well, she had always insisted she didn't want to see its demise. In fact, she had refused to go into the future with him at all, even though he had explained that it was a future that was constantly changing and what he was able to show her now might in fact not happen at all (in their universe, at least. It would happened, he could see it, but it might not be the trouser leg of time they would head down.)  
It hadn't worked out between them, though. When it finally ended he told her he had always known it would end. There weren't any futures in which he had seen her stay with him indefinitely. At least no futures in which both of them were still the same people they were now. This was a new theory of quantum the sweepers had only recently come up with; apparently your choices in life did matter when it came to the trouser leg of time theory. Commander Vimes had played a crucial part in the emergence of this theory, she'd been told.  
She had wanted, no, needed a normal life. And although Lobsang was able to offer the amazing opportunity to travel through history in his company, she was learning and changing as a person all the time, but he stayed the same. He was the anthropomorphic personification of time, past, present and future. As soon as he had taken on that role completely, his human part had dwindled into insignificance. Lobsang existed in the past, present and future and so, it seemed, had gained all the knowledge he was ever going to gain. He wasn't going to change. He knew, because he could see no future ahead of him in which he did. And so it had come to the point where she didn't feel like she could remain in that time bubble with him any longer.  
She was a little bitter, yes. She wondered if either of them would ever find anyone else. In the end, she had to grow old, be human and be normal. She was not Death; she had rejected the part of her that was supernatural, but he had embraced that part of himself. She was surprised they had stayed together for as long as they had.

She was angry that the Patrician's spear had reminded her of all this again. Her gaze shifted from the spear to a weird metallic object next to it. On closer inspection it turned out to be a novelty garlic press. Ooookaaay... she thought and put it back quickly.

"Is there any other way to enter the room other than the way we just came in?"  
Vimes' voice interrupted Drumknott's nervous speech. Susan turned her back on the bookcase and waited for the answer.

"I don't know, your grace. There might be other secret corridors leading off from this room."  
Susan watched Vimes give Angua a significant glance. Susan understood. He wanted to make use of her werewolf senses.

Vimes turned back to the man in grey: "Are there any maps of the secret passageways in the palace? Or did Lord Vetinari have them all burnt?"

"I believe if such maps ever existed, his predecessors would have had more reason to destroy them than Lord Vetinari. His lordship does not tend towards the extreme side of paranoia."  
Angua interjected hastily: "Do you have a file on Lord Contandi? Could you bring it please?"  
Drumknott reluctantly left them alone in his master's private room to find the file.  
Once the sound of his footsteps could no longer be heard Angua stepped just outside the room and closed the door behind her. When the door was pushed open again, it was a wolf entering.  
They both watched Angua sniff around the room. Eventually she pawed at the old wardrobe. Then she left the room again to change back into human form. Vimes opened the wardrobe. All the clothes inside it were black. Some lay on the wardrobe floor in a pile. They too were black. The mess on the wardrobe floor looked as achingly out of place in the meticulously tidy room as the unmade bed. Susan watched as Vimes used his sword to remove the back panel of the wardrobe.  
"What can you see, Commander?" Angua asked as she re-entered the room.  
"There's a secret door behind the back panelling of the wardrobe. It's solid oak. I'm not sure how to open it, yet. There must be some mechanism, but I haven't found it yet."

Drumknott soon returned and handed the file over to Commander Vimes. He looked at the slightly demolished wardrobe and then accusingly back at Vimes.

"Drumknott, you seem to know at least a few of the secret doors here, could you give us a hand with this one? Can't seem to open it."

Susan soon became impatient with their attempts, as even Drumknott couldn't open it. After about a quarter of an hour her patience came to an end.

"MOVE OUT OF THE WAY." She suggested to both of them and watched Angua , Drumknott and the Commander of the watch suddenly withdraw from the wardrobe as if in shock. She strode through the door and into the dark corridor beyond.

Susan sighed. She knew she couldn't just walk on, on her own, without Angua's sense of smell. So she turned around put, her hands flat on the door and started to search for an opening mechanism. Hopefully it wouldn't be so difficult to find from this side.

**Scene 2:**

The Librarian said: "Ook." Rincewind knew that to mean, I'm going to get a few bananas, would you be so kind as to look after the library for me while I'm gone?

Rincewind looked around the deserted library and then shrugged at the Librarian.  
"Sure, why not?"

There really was no one else around, it being daytime and all. Rincewind sat there for a while 'watching' the library but rather quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Now, if Rincewind had been a better guard and hadn't fallen asleep, at this point he would have noticed that shortly after the Librarian's departure a man swiftly and quietly entered the library through its large double doors. The man had a rather round red face, in the middle of which a rather impressive, cauliflower-shaped nose resided. He opened the third drawer down on the left side of the large desk at which the librarian had been sitting. From it he removed a large, heavy key and put it in his pocket. The key had a glow about it, although not one that the man could see. Rincewind would have been able to see it though, as it was Octarine and he was, technically, a wizard. The man left the library again. Had Rincewind been a decent guard, he might have followed the man and witnessed that he had hidden a wheelbarrow full of broccoli behind a massive, heavy curtain in the foyer. Under the pile of broccoli a large sack was visible. If Rincewind had been listening hard enough at that point he would have heard the man mutter under his breath several times and each time listen very carefully to the high pitched reply that seemed to come from within his coat. When the man finally seemed satisfied he wheeled the broccoli and sack into the library. Then he locked the big doors. The man removed a knife from his belt and cut open the sack exposing a limp, prone figure with a gash on his forehead.  
At this point Rincewind actually awoke because little broccoli florets had started walking all over him. He stared at them with the kind of fascinated gaze people normally reserve for creatures such as scorpions or poisonous spiders which are in too much contact with the viewer's body for comfort. Rincewind followed the line of walking broccoli florets back to its origin. His eyes ended up fixed upon two men, one of whom was tying the other to a chair. The figure being tied to the chair seemed to be wearing a black night shirt and trousers. And was distinctly Patrician shaped.

Rincewind watched in fascination as the man tied Lord Vetinari more and more tightly to the chair. At least he seemed to realise what a mess he'd be in if Lord Vetinari awoke and found that he was able to move. The man wasn't completely mad, Rincewind gave him that. Then he watched as Mr. Cauliflower nose, as Rincewind had dubbed him, kicked Lord Vetinari in the shins. There was no reaction from the Patrician. Mr. Cauliflower pulled a little velvet drawstring money bag out of this cloak pocket and started talking to it in whispers.

"Rincewind, I know you're there," the man said finally.

And before Rincewind knew it, he had turned around, ready to run away. His feet had a mind of their own. He didn't get far though, as he stepped on an unfortunate broccoli floret and fell. Before he knew it the man was top of him. As he pinned Rincewind to the floor he whispered in his ear: "And now you are going to help me get rid of Lord Vetinari forever. I plan to rip his thread right out of the tapestry of time and burn it."

Rincewind decided that he had misjudged the man: he was, in fact, a complete loon.

From the shadows Death looked on and shook his head slowly.

* * *

_Thanks for all the reviews! I thought something was odd with the paragraphs when I first uploaded it but it looked fine in word. I just took another look at it in word and turned everything into block formatting and then it went all screw-y on me. So I re-did all the formatting in a new word document. Also corrected a few mistakes, thanks Virtuella!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks again to Charli800 for betareading! _

_And a big thank you for everyone who commented on the last chapter! I love you all! :-D_

_Set just before Making Money btw (otherwise Mr Fusspot would have to be around somewhere - which, I realised, he's not :-P)._

_Sorry it took so long to update, some idiot people decided that now (while I'm in the final stages of a project!) would be a great time to paint my laboratory - so lots of last minute panicing to do. _

**

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**Chapter 3:**

**Scene 1:**

It had taken a while, but Susan had managed to find the bolts on the secret door. There had been several of them, all very slim. They lay flush against the door and had been covered with a veneer of wood to make them even harder to detect by touch. She pulled the last one towards the centre of the door.

"Hey, I did it." Drumknott explained excitedly as the door swung open.

"Ha, how did you open it?" Susan heard Vimes ask.

"I, I... don't really know." The clerk admitted.

She could hear Vimes grunt and moved out of the way so that he and Angua could enter the narrow passageway. Angua immediately stepped ahead of Vimes.

"I should stay here and see to the mess in the palace." Drumknott said.

"Yes, of course. This is a watch investigation. And thank you for the file."

Vimes said [while], waving the folder on Lord Contandi. He was no longer facing the clerk, though, but was already following Angua, who had set off down the corridor.

Angua lead them slowly but deliberately through the dark passage. Susan was fumbling along blindly. When they were a way from the door, Vimes spoke to Angua in a hushed voice. Although no one else was around who could have overheard him, Susan put it down to the fact that this place seemed so lifeless and dead that it just demanded respect.

"What can you smell?"

"The scent isn't hard to follow. Vetinari and another person were down here. Luckily there wasn't much blood involved."

There was a long pause before Vimes replied to this.

"Surely Vetinari knew about that passage. You'd think he'd have taken some precautions. Traps or something. I mean, yeah, I am glad he is not as mad as Winder or Snapcase, but some times I do feel he must be just a little suicidal. He just relies on the fact that it would be bad for the everyone in city if he were killed."

"So you think it was personal?"

"It could be. I don't know. But who in Ankh-Morpork doesn't hold some kind of grudge against him? Right now everyone is a suspect. Um, you said, not much blood? He better not be dead, I don't think my desk could take the weight of the paper work that would be involved."

And that was all they said. In the damp passage, the sound of their breathing and the scraping of their feet on the floor was muffled. And yet, Susan felt, the sounds they were making were almost deafening. There was nothing else to listen to, as no one spoke. It seemed like hours until Susan noticed a change. The sound of their footsteps was now being joined by that of dulled voices. Lots of them. When they grew louder and the full range of city sounds filtered down into the passageway Angua spoke: "I am pretty sure they went up here. The general smells of the city coming from up there seem quite strong though."

Susan was the last to climb to the surface. The noise was almost deafening. They appeared to be inside a large, glass-roofed warehouse. All around box towers and piles of sacks seemed to block the view. Through a gap in the container wall she could see people standing on upturned carts shouting out numbers in quick succession. It was Ankh-Morpork's fruit and vegetable auction house, Susan realised. Before she had started working for the Contandis she had never paid much attention to how the fruit and veg ended up in the shops. Lord Contandi owned the auction house though. Thus she had learnt that all the fresh produce from the fields outside the city came through this auction warehouse at some point or other. Here it was auctioned off in large quantities to the highest bidder, who then distributed it further to other smaller shops or market stalls. This was where the price of apples was determined.

"This is 'Greens and Perishable' warehouse, isn't it?" Angua said.

A heavy stone seemed to have materialised out of nowhere and decided to take up residence in Susan's stomach.

"Yeah, almost certainly. Never been inside before, mind you. Although I think I remember some complaints a while back about some 'killer tomatoes'. Apparently its proximity to the Unreal Estate was causing the problem." Vimes answered.

"We're in a small deserted part of the warehouse, amongst small carts, sacks and wheelbarrows of vegetables. Someone could easily have smuggled a body out of here," Angua said as she picked up a half empty sack of vegetables and placed it on a wheelbarrow to demonstrate her point.

"And then where did they take him? Can you pick up the scent in here?" Vimes cut in.

"No, I don't think I'll have any luck in here. There are far too many people here everyday. Even with a wolf's nose I think I would find it impossible."

"Let's get back to Pseudopolis Yard. At least we can try and find out who might have been stocking this part of the warehouse last night."

Even if Vimes' words appeared to contain a hint of optimism, just one look at his face was enough to confirm that that was merely a clever illusion. His jaw was busy destroying the rest of an already frayed cigar stub and his eyes were burning with some deep rage. He must have been the angriest man Susan had ever met.

Well, the investigation had cost a lot of time and she still didn't know how all this tied together, but staying with Vimes seemed the best choice at the moment. The fact that she now found herself in Lord Contandi's warehouse in the middle of an investigation into the disappearance of the Patrician of Anhk-Morpork at least made it possible this incidence might be connected to little Katerina's death. So Susan clenched her jaw and walked behind the two watch officers on their way to the watch headquarters.

"Sir! Sir! Trouble at the University!" a small, dirty man shouted at them ... no, wait, if she called him dirty, then she'd have to call the pavement under her feet spotless by comparison.

"What's up Nobby? What's going on at the University?" Vimes groaned.

"Some nutter's locked himself up in the library. Claim's he's got the Patrician tied to a chair an' says he'll kill him."

"What does he want? Ransom money?"

"I don't know, sir, came straight here to fetch you, sir. Um, sir, I should tell you. The wizards are worried this'll be the end of the world."

Susan decided to take a step back from Vimes, just in case he exploded.

**Scene 2:**

Ponder had his hands over his eyes. This was not because he was worried for their safety, he just couldn't bare to watch his superiors make even greater fools of themselves by trying to break down the library door using magic yet again. The large double door was built from magic wood in order to withstand that kind of magical assault, otherwise it wouldn't have lasted even five seconds in this environment and it was, in fact, several hundred years old.

"Yes, Dean, but I do not beileve that was the correct spell to open a door as fine as this one. Your spell was the kind of spell I would use to open a small outside privy's door."

"Oh, well if you think you know so much more about magic, then you give it a try."

"I will. Just you all watch."

"We will." That is of course, all except poor Ponder Stibbons. When the hiss of the spell, the bright light, the loud crack of magic, the scream of the wizard the spell had backfired onto, the subsequent chaos and laughter of the other wizards had died down, he opened his eyes again.

"Your Lordship!" Ponder ran forward and knocked on the door. "Are you alright?"

"I am perfectly fine for the time being. Just a little tied up here" came the reply. "However I am concerned that this is all going to end in tentacles."

Ponder stepped back from the door and into the circle of wizards, who promptly blamed him for the whole situation.

"It's all your fault, Stibbons. What were you thinking, making a magical weapon?"

"One that, it would seem, can be used by just about anyone, wizard or not."

"How did it get out of the university? Were you not keeping it safe?"

"It wasn't meant to be a weapon." Stibbons stammered. "I didn't even know what it was capable of until now. I was just tinkering with a dis-organiser someone had thrown over the wall into the university grounds."

He turned to Munstrum Ridcully.

"Archchancellor, we need to find another way into the library. I have heard the city watch employ trolls nowadays. Maybe we should consider a slightly more unconventional method of opening the door?"

Ridcully obviously didn't judge that suggestion worthy of a reply. He simply glared at the young wizard as he walked past him, already rolling up his sleeves.

"Seriously, do I have to do everything myself nowadays?"

Death stood in a dark corner and watched all this. He pulled out a rather large hour glass. The name on it read 'Discworld'. Death turned it upside down and then looked at it sideways before finally shaking his head. He still wasn't sure whether the world was going to end or not, but the fact that it might did rather disturb him.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters! And lots and lots of thanks to Charli800 for beta reviewing this chapter! You're amazing! _

_Sorry this one is a bit short, but the next chapter will be a lot longer. Chapter 5 is proving quite challenging to write, hehehe. _

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**Chapter 4**

Ponder worried as he strode out of the Unseen University through its great doors. He stopped to look up at the sky and threw his hands up in the air in frustration. It is always hard, if not impossible, for a wizard to admit fault and Ponder was no exception. Although he was one of the new, younger class of wizard, who actually worked to gain more of an understanding into the thaumatological nature of the universe, he was by no means exempt from the natural laws of wizardhood. Therefore the part of him that was wizard through and through knew that he wasn't to blame for what people did with the knowledge and devices that he discovered. Another part of him, called common sense, tried to interject that he was possibly being a bit naive. Ponder's wizard mind pushed hard, though, and that voice was soon banished back into the depths of his mind, chained up and this time heavily guarded, so that it wouldn't see the light of the upper regions of his consciousness ever again. Ponder sighed in relief: he was himself once more. Wizards didn't need common sense, that was for, well, common people.

"Oook?"

"Oh, it's you! I was wondering where you were."

"OOOOook!?"

"It's hard to say what he's up to and what will happen, really. He's completely mad. Actually been taken over by insanity."

On the Discworld when madness takes hold of someone, it does so quite literally. Ponder imagined a little red devil clutched tightly on the man's skull, near his right ear, possibly. The man was certainly not himself, that was certain.

"You know, I think it might be a madness demon," he said thoughtfully.

"Eeek?"

"Yes, they are pretty rare. Nowadays you have to be quite barking mad to attract one in the first place."

Ponder sighed, "You see, he's got hold of my experimental imp. And ... don't you dare look at me like that, at least I was merely asleep when it was stolen. Where were you when he got into the library? In the Mended Drum no doubt?

"Sorry, no of course you weren't. I wasn't implying that it was your fault at all. No really, I was just speculating where you might spend your free time... please don't hit me!"

'Ha, I could have told you not to say anything so blatantly stupid, but no, you had to go and lock me up at the back of your mind,' Common Sense interjected. Wizardways Common Sense round the head and growled.

"Ponder Stibbons?" the wizard sighed in relief yet again; tomorrow couldn't come soon enough as far as he was concerned.

Commander Vimes of the city watch was running towards him. Behind the commander Ponder could see two more watchmen. One of them was actually a watchwoman, he noticed. There was also a young women with impossibly blond hair following them.

"Ah, good you're here, sir! You don't happen to have a troll with you by any chance?" Ponder said while straining his neck to look around the group and listening hard for the sound of falling rocks.

In reply to Vimes' inquiring stare he mumbled, "You know, to help open the library doors."

"Nobby, go fetch Detritus!" Vimes said to a small dirty man, almost lost beneath his uniform.

"Corporal Nobbs has been filling me in. What exactly is this magical weapon thingy that he has?" Vimes asked.

"He can... he's got .... basically it's a Dis-organiser MK3 that can answer any question you pose it, you just have to chose your questions wisely."

Vimes seemed to consider this.

Ponder continued, "The man is barking mad, but still he might be clever. I'd say he's certainly not acting very wisely though."

"Ooook?"

Ponder turned to the Librarian, who had asked a question is a rather meek voice.

"He probably sat there and kept asking it if you had left the library yet."

"Hmmm?" Vimes eyes focused on the young wizard again, "why not ask when the Librarian would be leaving and arrive just in time?"

"Well, you know, time is quite fluid," Ponder hazarded. As brilliant as he was at understanding and coming up with new theories about time, the universe and everything, he wouldn't even have been able to explain the simplest concept to the Commander clearly. Language was not his forte. Of course, really, it was everyone else's fault that they couldn't read his mind, or make sense of his many ground breaking publications in the journal 'Thaumatologickal Quantuum Di∫creeption∫ of the Univer∫e Todaye'.

"Look, it's just all down to Quantum, right?" Ponder said sharply, "The imp could have told him what time the Librarian was going to have left the library, but that would probably have given him a headache, as the answer it would have given would have been a comprehensive overview of every possible time in every possible future in which the Librarian would have left the library."

Language really wasn't made to deal well with talking about such things, Ponder felt, as he resigned himself to the fact that he had probably just abused the past perfect future conditional tense, if it even existed. His head was hurting already.

"So he could, just conjecturing here of course, ask questions along the line of: 'Is there a secret entrance to Lord Vetinari's bedroom?' 'Is he fast asleep yet?' 'Is he so deep asleep yet that he won't wake up if I sneak up on him and then whack him over the head?'"

Vimes spoke quite calmly. It un-nerved Ponder, because in the Commander's eyes he saw pure rage. The man had obviously spent too much time around said Patrician.

"Oook?"

"He does seem to be using some books, yes," Ponder answered, thankful for the opportunity to break away from Vimes' brooding glare.

"With the help of the imp he's trying to work out what needs to be done and has been threatening Rincewind into helping him. "

"Oook."

"Yes, I agree. The fact that he chose to threaten Rincewind, of all wizards, into helping him does work in our favour. We can't rely on that holding him back much longer, though. I really only see two outcomes. He either botches an attempt to cut Lord Vetinari out of the tapestry of time, thus blowing up the universe, or he realises that that kind of magic is too complicated to work properly anyway, so he decides to just destroy the universe using a simpler spell. Unless..."

"Ooo-Oook!"

"Yes, unscrewing his head might work."

At this point Ponder and everyone else saw the great doors of Unseen University open. Some of them even saw the white haired young lady walk through them. As one they all rushed to the doors. They were just in time to see her stride right past the assembled wizards and through the closed library door.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks to my beta reader Charli800! :-D_

_And of course thank you all for reviewing! I'm sorry it has taken so long to update, my life has been crazy :-S. _

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**Madness**

**Chapter 5**

**Scene 1:**

Susan strode past the assembled wizards and straight through the locked, sturdy double doors of the Unseen University library. As soon as she passed through them, time stood still.

Her Grandfather and ex-lover were standing just a few meters away from her.

I should have been expecting this really, she thought. All this talk about the end of the Discworld was bound to attract them. Her Grandfather in particular had a habit of asking her to save the world every now and again. Now they were here to ask her to do just that, even though, she thought bitterly, she was actually already aware of the crisis. They just didn't trust her to get it right without their help.

She took in the scene behind them. In a chair, tightly bound, was Lord Vetinari. By his feet, also tightly bound, was a scrawny wizard. Presumably this was Rincewind, the one the other wizard and the librarian had been talking about. Kneeling down beside him was Lord Contandi, with a book in his hand.

Lobsang addressed her first, "We are at a crossroads in the trousers of time. The Discworld's fate is tied to a decision you are going to make. There is one trouser leg of time in which the Discworld still exists."

"And in the other?" Susan asked dutifully. She looked from Lobsang to her Grandfather - the two people she had a great affection for, but whose worlds were just too bizarre for her to live in.

Eventually Lobsang replied in a steady voice, "Well, that trouser leg of time doesn't technically exist. If you make the wrong decision there will be no more time to make trousers out of."

Death pulled out a very large hour glass.

THIS IS THE DISCWORLD'S LIFE TIMER. IT INDICATES TO ME THAT THE WORLD IS IN DANGER. I FEARED THAT THE EVENTS HAPPENING HERE MIGHT BE THE CAUSE. SO I CAME HERE AND RAN INTO LOBSANG, WHO SEEMED TO BE HAVING SIMILAR THOUGHTS. WE DISCUSSED THE MATTER AND IT APPEARS THAT YOU ARE THE CENTRAL FIGURE. SOMETHING YOU WILL CHOOSE TO DO, OR NOT TO DO, AS THE CASE MAY BE, WILL DETERMINE THE FUTURE OF THE DISCWORLD.

"What do you mean exactly? Why are you here? Are you going to tell me what do to?" Susan said, the volume of her voice rising with each word.

"I know you very well, Susan," Lobsang said calmly, "and at times you have a tendency to make rash choices, generally when you are angry. So we are here to ask you to delay making up your mind until you are sure that you are correct."

"Correct about what?" Susan replied.

"We don't know, Susan, we don't know everything, you know. Just, please, be careful in all your judgements."

That was all Lobsang said before time unfroze and he and Death were gone again.

Blast, Susan thought. She still had plenty of unanswered questions. For starters, who did those two think they were, to just stand there so calmly. Before talking to her, they had probably discussed the matter over a picnic on the lawn outside the University; on a red and white chequered blanket.

She wanted to shout back at Lobsang that she wasn't too angry to think rationally. It was too late for that now though, but she also realised that a deep rage had slowly been building up inside her. It was born just as much out of grief for the young girl, Katerina, as out of frustration at not knowing who to blame. She cursed both of them. Especially her Grandfather. Why hadn't he just told her who had killed Katerina? Surely now that she was here, it wouldn't be that hard to diffuse the situation by getting Lord Contandi to calm down somewhat.

"What kind of wizard are you?" Susan heard Lord Contandi shout at Rincewind, "Can't you even perform the simplest of spells? It doesn't look very complicated to me. It's only a few symbols long. There isn't much to memorise at all!"

Lord Contandi, who stood just a few dozen feet away from her, had visibly gone completely mad. It wasn't anything about his behaviour that convinced Susan; it was the look in his eyes. When people tried to describe that sort of look, they often compared it to the look of a bull in Genua which, just about to die in the arena, notices his tormentor's last spear conveniently snapping in two. For Susan that metaphor didn't quite seem adequate enough. So she mentally adjusted it. The whole scene now took place in the middle a crowded market place and everyone visiting the market had decided to wear red that day.

But what had turned him mad, why had he snapped? Was his family's tragic death to blame? Or had they died as a result of all this madness? Susan couldn't imaging that he had killed Katerina. He had been such a doting father.

As he got up he caught sight of Susan and froze mid-action.

"Please calm down, Lord Contandi," Susan said slowly and clearly.

Oh shit, she thought, what should she say next? She didn't have any answers. The best she could do was just to keep on talking, trying to stall, giving herself time to work things out.

"The watch is outside. They've been to investigate the deaths.

"They will certainly find out who it was who killed your wife and daughter," for a moment a hard lump in Susan's throat made it hard to talk. Had she just calmly referred to his family in such sterile terms as 'wife and daughter'? They had had names. She had put little Katerina to bed... but the memories were too painful. It was easier, right now, to think of them simply as 'the victims'.

"Commander Vimes will personally make sure that justice is served. You don't need to take the law into your own hands or take your revenge on the whole world," she ended her plea.

"I rather think that the watch is quite useless at preventing great injustices. No, they can't bring justice to anyone. I will now, though. I don't want to take revenge on the world, Miss Sto Helit. What I want, is to make it a better place. A place Katerina deserves to grow up in.

"I will purge it of him," he said pointing a shaking finger at the bound Patrician. Lord Contandi's eyes were burning with white hot rage, as if he were hoping his stare alone would burn Lord Vetinari.

"Of course, if the world denies me even that, then that would be the biggest injustice of all, would it not? I would then, of course, punish the world as I saw fit."

Having got that out of his system he asked, "How did you get inside here?"

Susan noticed the use of the present tense when the Lord spoke of his daughter. So he felt it was Lord Vetinari's fault that she was dead. By taking him out of the equation, so to speak, he hoped it would bring his family back to life and make the world a better place. She began to sympathise with the man.

Behind her the noise of the wizards and Commander Vimes knocking against the door, trying furiously to gain entry, could not be overheard. Claiming she had picked the lock or taken the door off its hinges were clearly not believable statements in the current circumstance. So she decided to go for the truth when answering his question. People generally just forgot or pretended they hadn't heard uncomfortable truths.

"I walked through the door."

Silence.

"Like a ghost," she added helpfully, "but I'm not dead, it just happens that I'm partly Death."

Oh dear, that was an explanation she had better practice more, in case she ever needed to give it again in a hurry.

As she saw him slowly extend a hand towards what looked like a disorganiser, she shouted, NOW STOP THIS MADNESS!

She hadn't intended to use the voice, the echoes of which bounced off the inside of skulls rather than the inside of rooms.

It was a rather poor command, she had to admit, but it seemed to work. Although Lord Contandi did grab the disorganiser, he also proceeded to slowly back away from his captives. He didn't turn his back on Susan until he was so far down an aisle of bookcases that she could hardly see him.

Susan waited about another minute to make sure that he really would keep his distance before going over to the tied up figures. It didn't take her very long to undo Rincewind's bonds, which didn't look anywhere near as restricting or secure as the Patrician's.

"Ah, Rincewind. I feel I must thank you," Lord Vetinari said to Rincewind, once the wizard was standing on his own feet again.

"Eh, what?" Rincewind replied.

The Patrician glared at him.

"For not casting the spells, although your own life was under threat. Due to your courage we are currently _not _fighting our way out of a sea of tentacles."

When it seemed that Lord Vetinari's words had finally entered the cognitive part of Rincewind's brain he gulped and whispered quietly in Susan's ear, "Well, actually I just can't read Vortex Plain Runes to save my life. Funny that, really."

Susan turned towards the still bound Patrician. Half his face was smeared in dried blood from a large gash on his forehead, above his left eyebrow. His expression was unreadable.

"I doubt the danger is over, though, your Lordship," Rincewind continued.

"See, he ran off into L-space. He could be causing all sorts of trouble there, with the imp to guide him," the wizard said rather quietly.

"What is L-space?" Susan asked, her eyes not leaving the Patrician. She didn't trust him.

It didn't take Rincewind very long to explain the concept to both of them, although more credit was due to Lord Vetinari and to Susan for their intellect and quick grasp of concepts than to the wizard's didactical skills.

"So let me make sure I'm getting this right," said Susan, "Lord Contandi has not backed off to the rear of the library somewhere, he is actually getting away. Possibly to another dimension, time or universe? And because he has the imp with him, it won't take him very long to work all this out?"

"Yes, that's correct," Rincewind replied.

"Then we must follow him now, while we still have a chance to catch up with him. He still poses a great danger," Lord Vetinari said. Both the tone of his voice and the colour of his eyes reminded Susan of very sharp knives.

If her travels with Lobsang had taught her anything, it was that most tyrants were not to be trusted. Susan's mind was racing. Was Contandi taking revenge for his family's execution? Lord Vetinari was an assassin. The watch Dwarf had been uncertain of whether the family had died in the fires or had, in fact, been dead before the fire had even started.

Regardless of whether Vetinari had killed his family or not, Contandi might just believe it anyway, seeing as he hated Vetinari already and blamed him for everything wrong in the world.

She had never met Lord Vetinari before, but from all she had heard, assassinations were no longer his 'thing'. He threatened political enemies with the scorpion pit. He didn't kill their families.

Then again, maybe he was just very clever about it, because thinking about it, had she ever actually heard of anyone being thrown into the scorpion pit in the last few years? The Times hadn't even reported on any mimes suffering that particular fate.

Was this the decision she had to make? Well, Lobsang and her Grandfather would be proud. She had resisted giving in to her intuitive dislike and hatred for the man. If she hadn't she might have kicked him in the shins, left him bound up and followed Contandi with only the help of Rincewind.

Lord Vetinari's steely blue eyes still gave anyway nothing. Now she had studied them a bit longer, she decided that they reminded her a bit of her Grandfather's.

"Rincewind," Lord Vetinari called out softly, "you would not be thinking of, eh... abandoning your civic duties of assisting in the capture of a dangerous man?"

"Oh, no, not at all, your Lordship. Just thought I'd see what that, er, er, book was doing over on that shelf."

Rincewind sighed as he made his way back towards them.

Susan had to admit she was impressed. Whilst they had been engaged in their staring contest, she had not noticed Rincewind trying to get away. He had been very silent. She shook her head. The Patrician must be exceptionally intelligent and aware. Rincewind's sudden act of irrational cowardice had taken her somewhat by surprise.

Susan felt slightly embarrassed. She had possibly let her instant dislike of the Patrician affect her too much. All the negative comments she had heard about the man from most of her previous employers had possibly influenced her.

She had been so wrapped up in her suspicions about Lord Vetinari that she had neglected the wizard. Rincewind's trustworthiness wasn't guaranteed either. Why had he just tried to run away? How had Lord Contandi received the magical imp? What were the chances that they were both involved in all this?

"I can tell you don't trust me, Miss Sto Helit. All I can give you is my assurance that I did not kill Lord Contandi's family. However, that aside, I think you can trust that if you do untie me, I will do my best to trace the man and stop him from causing any harm."

That was true, Susan had to admit to herself. She walked over to the Patrician and started to undo his ties.

**Scene 2:**

Outside the main university building, in its lush garden, on a patch of rainbow coloured grass Death and Lobsang sat on a black blanket.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE TO TRY ANOTHER SANDWICH? I FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS IN 'NANNY OGGS COOKBOOK' EXACTLY. THEY ARE EDIBLE.


	6. Chapter 6

_It's not the longest update ever, but hope you all like it! Thanks so much to my beta reader Charli800! :-D And to all my lovely reviewers! I love you all!_

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Madness chapter 6

**Scene 1:**

The great doors of the Unseen University library had been obliterated. Vimes idly kicked one of its small shards. Detritus had been, well, very thorough. This was much to the displeasure of the university's bursar who was flying around the troll's head, complaining about the expensive nature of sturdy magical doors nowadays.

"He's going to crack again, isn't he?" Ponder said rather quietly, while watching Detritus' attempts to swat the Bursar away as if he were a mosquito.

The Arch-chancellor on the other hand looked rather pleased, "What are you going on about, Ponder? This is the best we've ever seen him. He's showing some spirit at last!"

Despite this, a few other wizards were desperately trying to catch the bursar with what looked like a giant butterfly net, though. Vimes finally managed to tear his gaze away from the bizarre scene.

"So," he said, addressing the Librarian, "let's try this again. You know where they have gone, right? And you will help us track them down?"

"Ooook! Oo-oook, ook!"

The orang-utan and the commander of the Watch exchanged a blank stare. It lasted nearly half a minute until the Librarian shook his head, clearly not being able to comprehend why Vimes was having such a hard time understanding him. Then Vimes watched as the Librarian knuckled over to Ponder, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him closer.

"Oook!"

Vimes took that to mean: 'Voila, here's my interpreter, because you're a silly little man who can't understand ape.'

**Scene 2:**

A good few hours had passed in silence. That is to say, Vetinari hadn't spoken at all, while the other two had only spoken occasionally. The noise of millions upon millions of magical books rustling and straining against their chains was comparable to the roar of the ocean on days when Blind Io decided to take a bath. Neither Susan nor Rincewind dared make too much noise themselves, though, as they didn't want disrupt Vetinari's concentration. The Patrician was currently kneeling on the floor. He had been inspecting it for quite a while now. Their progress through L-space was becoming slower and slower. At the end of every aisle of shelves it took Vetinari longer to decide which way to go. Susan was no longer confident that they were still following Lord Contandi's trail. Maybe they had lost that half an hour ago and were now following someone or something else's.

Rincewind was a nervous wreck.

"They're coming, I can see them!" he whispered to Susan.

Susan looked over her shoulder, at the spot at which Rincewind was staring intently.

"All I can see is books," she said.

"No, look, Susan, on that shelf, behind the blue bound book!"

"I'm looking, and yet I still can't see any heavily armed broccoli florets about to kill us," she hissed and motioned for him to be quiet.

So far Rincewind had claimed to have seen not only an army of homicidal broccoli, he'd also apparently spotted a regiment of giant worms wearing military helmets, a colony of rats wearing reading glasses that hissed at him and more than one book that had told him he was going to die. Susan was able to concede, though, that Rincewind was a wizard and therefore might be able to see a few magical things that escaped even her. If Rincewind's accounts were anything to go by, the broccoli were becoming increasingly obnoxious.

**Scene 3:**

"It's incredibly dangerous. We can't have all those people walking around through L-space. The books will become agitated and, even worse, they might become misplaced."

Vimes started at Stibbons as if the man had just eaten his own hat.

"I was of course just translating, Commander. It is the Librarian's job to look after the books after all."

"Right, I understand that. Now, can he help us to track them down?"

Ponder looked at the great ape, who said, "Oook!"

"It will be difficult and dangerous. Probably impossible. We will need some string and chalk, quite a few lamps, as it may get dark; but we might simply not be able to follow their trail. There are a lot of things living in L-space. Not all of them... very savoury. The dust is not always thick enough to make it clear which way to go. Head down the wrong aisle and you could end up anywhere!"

"Ape is quite a concise language, isn't it?" Vimes remarked dryly.

He turned away from them and walked over to Angua, who had been trying to keep Detritus calm.

"Angua, it appears that if you go deep enough into the library, the books start to distort reality and you end up walking through some multi-dimensional time-space labyrinth. The madman could be anywhere. As could Vetinari. We have to follow them," Vimes said glumly. The thought of all this magic made him sick to the stomach.

"I'll go change then, shall I?" Angua replied.


	7. Chapter 7

_I wish I had more time to write! Hopefully it won't take me too long to find time to write the next chapter! :-D_

_Lots of thanks to my beta reader, Charli800! _

_Thank you all so much for reviewing! Hope you enjoy this chapter. :-)_

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**Madness - Chapter 7**

**Scene 1:**

"Argh, they've got my hat! They've got my hat!" Rincewind screamed.

Susan jumped to her feet and spun round, armed with a hefty leather bound copy of "The Comprensive Gyde too Growcery Shopping". It was, however, too late.

"It was a good hat," Rincewind whined. "Very pointy."

Rincewind and Susan stood still for a while – listening intently and trying to see if there were any more broccoli warriors lurking in the shadows waiting to attack. Eventually Susan put the heavy book back down again.

"No point wasting strength," she said, massaging her arm muscles.

Rincewind also carefully put down his weapons of choice ("The Compleet Vegtable Cookry Book" and "Growing Cabbagges"). Susan had no idea why the wizard believed the latter would ward off the evil vegetables, but at least both books looked very heavy – perfect for squashing broccoli florets. Rincewind looked around until he found a – supposedly - comfortable looking bookshelf to collapse against. Susan rolled her eyes. The wizard pretended to ignore her. In the silence his stomach growled audibly.

Apart from the broccoli, which seemed to have formed their own kingdom within the library shelves, they had not encountered anything that was even remotely edible. It seemed the broccoli had also become aware of this fact and so the waiting game had started. The first to fall asleep would become food for the other group.

"T'was a nice hat."

"Maybe the broccoli would not have been able to steal it off your head so easily had you been awake. It is, I recall, your turn to stand guard," Vetinari said levelly.

"I suppose next you'll be accusing me of antagonising the broccoli through being hungry," Rincewind sneered, "as if it was possible to control your stomach noises."

Vetinari raised an eyebrow, "I think you will find that it is, in fact, possible to do so with some training."

Susan had soon realised that the Patrician was a man of very unusual talents and once again, she was intrigued by how in-tune he seemed to be with his body.

"You're able to control your stomach's grumbling?" she asked.

"It would indeed be a shame if a young assassin were to move noiselessly and invisibly, only for his stomach to give away his presence," he answered.

No one said anything for a while.

Every single time she started to like, or at least respect, the man more, Susan thought, he'd say something that would have the opposite effect. Such as bringing it to her attention again that she was in fact facing a very dangerous assassin, who had undoubtedly killed for money at some point in his life.

Vetinari picked up a book. Susan could make out the front cover of this one easily. It said "Metagalactic Llamas Battle at the Edge of Time – Now a Bestselling Book!" in large silver script. While its binding was quite flimsy and like nothing she had seen in Ankh-Morpork, it did at least look easy to wield. Vetinari didn't seem interested in using it as a weapon, though and started reading it instead.

Susan glared at him for a while, but if he noticed, and she was sure he did, he didn't show that he cared. So she went over to Rincewind and sat next to him. It seemed that no one felt like sleeping after the broccoli attack, even if it had only claimed one hat.

"Rincewind?" Susan asked. "A young wizard, I think people called him Stibbons, speculated that Lord Contandi might be possessed by a madness devil. What can you tell me about them?"

"Ah, well, your basic madness demon? I don't think they are awfully common, but from what I remember, what happens is that they attach themselves to someone's head and whisper into their ear. Probably telling them what to do. Maybe they interfere with people's thoughts. The outcome, though, is that when a madness demon takes over a person, it quite simply turns them stark, raving mad. As in, the madness demon teaches them how to disregard every moral code the world has, come up with elaborate evil schemes to torment and terrorise the masses, or in some cases, just a few unlucky individuals, and how to regard people's lives as being worth less than a toothpick in a fight against an alligator, jadda jadda jadda," Rincewind finished by waving his hand around in the air. It seemed to Susan he might be indicating the general direction of Lord Vetinari.

"Or," Lord Vetinari said, without looking up from his book, "the truth is that some people lose their minds without any magical intervention. However, many people find it impossible to believe that someone who seemed so normal, so much like them, could snap in an instant and be capable of the most heinous, immoral crimes. To admit that, would be to admit that evil is inherent to mankind. Instead they would rather believe that a little red devil attaches itself to a person's cranium, causing the madness. That way they can blame the evil of human beings on something else, on something supernatural."

Why does that man even get out of bed in the morning, Susan wondered. Why did she for that matter?

'I'm sympathising with him again to some extent, I wonder what it is he's going to say next to quash this feeling', she thought.

"Of course," he continued, turning a page, "I am not saying that people who claim to have seen these devils are lying. It is the very nature of belief that such anthropomorphic demonifications do actually end up existing."

Ah, Susan thought, he's not said anything outright, but I think I can be sure now that he heard that bit about me being 'part death' - and he understood it, too.

They sat in silence again for a while.

"What's that book about, that you're reading?" Rincewind asked the Patrician, "It's got a very interesting cover."

"It appears to be the story of a heroic llama. However it takes place on the moon and the llama can mathematically work out the trajectory of his spit so as to hit evil spiders to destroy them, before they fall to the floor and become even more dangerous. It's very interesting. I'd only heard of camels having this ability before, but it would appear other ruminants do, too."

**Scene 2:**

"Oook, ook, OOOoook!!?!"

"Is anything the matter, Stibbons?" Vimes inquired as the librarian shook a large, hairy, orange fist at him.

Vimes and Stibbons had set off through the shelves quite a few hours ago, closely following the Librarian and Angua, who was sniffing around for both Lord Contandi and Lord Vetinari's group. So far, luckily, they both seemed to have been going in the same direction.

"He's eh... calling us ... slow, clumsy humans. He's just very frustrated that we're not able to swing along the bookcases as fast as he can. I wouldn't take it personally."

Vimes was aware that they weren't exactly sprinting along at the fastest pace possible, but he had no desire to end up completely lost in this endless maze of books, so he was taking time to mark the way they were coming at as many points as it seemed necessary. It's not that he didn't trust Angua's sense of smell, but he didn't know how long this search would take. How long did smell linger in this place? He wasn't prepared to put all his trust on the assumption that Angua would be able to lead them back if this chase went on for much longer.

This was still 'the chase', but at a slower pace. Even if they ran, they'd have no guarantee of catching up with this Lord Contandi, as he had a considerable head start on them. He hoped Lord Vetinari was doing better than he was.


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks for much to my betareader, Charli800!_

_Was this fast enough Gothgirl? ;-)_

_Thank you everyone for reviewing! I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

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**Chapter 8**

**Scene 1**

"They're starting to climb up the shelf by forming huma... vegetable pyramids!" Rincewind shouted out as he kicked his foot around madly. Lord Vetinari and Susan paused in their climb to look back down the massive bookshelf towards the wizard. Rincewind's foot looked like it had a very bad case of green mould.

"Ouch!"

He'd stubbed his toe against the bookshelf they were climbing. That did, however, seem to dislodge the broccoli florets' grip on his foot and the wizard took the chance to run up the bookshelf as fast as he could, right past her and the Patrician.

Susan had seen a lot in her travels with Lobsang, but never had she seen anyone run up a bookshelf vertically - [but] then again, she'd never encountered Rincewind before.

When Rincewind ran out of bookshelf to run up he sat at the top and started to massage his foot.

"The little devils bit me!" the wizard exclaimed, "Not just my foot, look there, there's little bite marks all over my calf, too!"

Susan tightened her grip on the shelf she was clinging to and watched as Vetinari selected a heavy book and dropped it. She looked down and saw it land neatly on the broccoli below, destroying their pyramid. They hissed and complained. Their squeals, which were almost inaudible, due to their high pitch, sent shivers down her spine. Individually, they were just pesky, but the sheer number of broccoli attacking them now was staggering.

In her travels she'd once seen a man being eaten alive by a pack of rats (some Sto Plain kings and queens had come up with very nasty punishments for traitors or, indeed, anyone who didn't notice and comment that the queen had been to the hairdresser's that morning). Susan imagined that a very similar fate awaited her, should she lose her grip on the shelf.

"This bookshelf is comparatively tall and isolated from the others, so we should be able to defend it. I'll climb round to the other side to stop them coming from there. Only throw books at them if you have to," Vetinari said. She watched him as he swung himself round the bookshelf onto the other side as if it were the most natural thing in the world for a man with a bloodied face to be doing – while wearing pyjamas.

They were effectively under siege. The downside to their otherwise quite defensible position was plainly that there wasn't any clear escape route should the books run out. Rincewind's thoughts seemed to be going in exactly the same direction.

„Once you're up here, there is nowhere to run to. We're doomed, we're all going to die!" Rincewind moaned.

"We aren't going to need to run anywhere any time soon. It's an incredibly large bookshelf, with plenty of ammunition on it," Vetinari answered.

"Rincewind, just make sure you keep an eye out for the broccoli to the left and right of you, Miss Sto Helit and I will take care of them on the front and back of the bookshelf."

Susan removed a book from the shelf in front of her and strategically dropped it. She managed to dislodge a fair number of the broccoli which had been climbing up the shelf below.

"What happens next?" Susan called out to Vetinari.

"I assume Vimes will find us soon," the Patrician answered.

„What makes you so sure Vimes will find us?" she asked him.

However 'because he's Vimes,' was essentially all Lord Vetinari would say.

**Scene 2:**

"Ooook! Oook!"

ZAP

"Ha! I got that one!" Ponder proclaimed happily.

"However, you completely obliterated it with your spell. It's hard to tell now what it was," Vimes commented.

The Watch Commander was starting to get on Ponder's nerves at little. Had he not just saved them from another vicious vegetable attack?

The first one had ended with their dog's nose being bitten – then the dog had eaten the vegetable. None of them had therefore really been able to get a close look at the attacker, but Ponder swore he had seen a little broccoli floret with a miniature helmet and pike.

"I want to know what they are and where they are coming from, in case they attack again," Vimes explained.

"Well, this environment is so highly charged with magic, there could be anything running around here from any dimension in any universe," Ponder stated as a matter of fact.

"However, we aren't that far from our home dimension yet, so I suspect they were once ordinary vegetables, that just spent too much time in the library."

"How long is too long?" Vimes asked.

"Anywhere between five seconds and a few days," Ponder answered, "Why do you ask? Do you suspect something?"

"Well, Lord Vetinari was taken to the fruit and vegetable auction house. We were able to track him and his kidnapper that far. In the library we saw the large wheelbarrow and a few empty vegetable sacks."

"Ah. I see," Ponder replied.

"Hmmm... animated broccoli are really the least of our worries right now, I suppose. With the help of the device that madman could gain a vast empire or he could destroy the world," Vimes said. His tone was very grim.

"Then why do you think he hasn't he destroyed the world yet?"

"Some times madness really focuses people. It's a kind of obsession. We don't know who our madman is yet, but it is clear that he wants to harm Vetinari as much as he can," Vimes replied. "After he has achieved that goal – if doing so doesn't destroy the fabric of reality - the Discworld is in for trouble."

At that moment Angua barked at Vimes.

"What's up?" Ponder asked.

"I don't know," the commander had to admit.

Angua sniffed the path again and started walking forward once more. As soon as Vimes, the Librarian and Ponder started to follow her though, she turned back and set off along another path. Again, she stopped and returned as soon as they started to proceed in that direction, too.

"Ah, I believe that the trails split at this point," Vimes said.

"So which one do we follow?" Ponder asked, "How is she to know which one is the madman's path?"

"Actually, I think it's Vetinari's path we should follow first," Vimes said. Then he knelt down and told Angua, "Go along the path Vetinari took. He should be very close."

Then he turned to Stibbons and continued, "Vetinari is unlikely to have kept walking far once he realised he'd lost the trail. Seeing that he somehow managed to follow it this far, he would definitely notice that he'd lost track."

So they started to follow Angua again, who led them confidently down the second path.

"That's a very clever dog you have there," Stibbons mentioned to fill the silence.

"Stibbons?" Vimes asked the young wizard, „What is that noise?"

"What noise sir?"

"The noise that sounds like a hundred little feet," Vimes said uneasily.

**Scene 3:**

"Haha, we're saved! I'm not going to die after all!" Rincewind shouted out in joy.

BUGGER

"Grandfather?"

OH, DON'T MIND ME, I WAS JUST LEAVING.

And with that he was gone.

"Grandfather?! Did you just call death 'grandfather'?" Rincewind asked Susan.

She didn't answer. Together with Vetinari, who had climbed back next to her from the other side of the book case, she was intently watching the scene below. A very large trunk, on hundreds of tiny feet, was lapping up the broccoli with its huge tongue.

"Oh that," Rincewind said, following their gaze. "That's just my luggage. It's perfectly harmful towards anything that's trying to kill me."

**Scene 4:**

Susan dusted herself off once she reached the floor and turned away from the large bookcase. Rincewind was hugging his luggage and thanking it for saving him, while Vetinari seemed to be trying to keep a certain distance from the luggage – the sort of distance that made it clear that he wasn't actually scared of it, but that he also happened to have no intention whatsoever of seeing it up close, either.

Susan went over to Rincewind.

"Um, I suppose I should thank the luggage," she said and gingerly patted it on the lid.

As she did that she noticed Rincewind shrink away from her.

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Yes, Death is my grandfather," she hissed through gritted teeth, barely audibly.

"Are you also, eh, in the trade?" Rincewind enquired quietly.

"No," Susan stated flatly.

"Ah, good, good," said the wizard, but somehow managed to make it sound distinctly like 'bad, bad'. "It's just that... has he ever mentioned me to you? I just get the feeling that trying to finally see me die has become a kind of hobby of your grandfather's."

Again, Susan's answer was a monosyllabic "No."

"No? Oh good, just making sure you didn't share that hobby with him," Rincewind said in an incredibly fake, cheerful voice and smiled at her.

The whole conversation had made Susan feel intensely uncomfortable, however it had also made things a little clearer to her. She had wondered what on the Disc her grandfather had been doing there just then. For a few moments she had thought it might be that she had to make this important choice that Lobsang and he had been going on about. However the luggage had turned up and saved them, through no doing of her own. According to Rincewind her grandfather had been there purely in the hope that Rincewind might fall to his death or get eaten alive by vegetables. Somehow that didn't quite sound like _her_ grandfather, but then she was aware that there was a lot she didn't know about him.

"Ah, Vimes, I see you've found us," Susan heard Vetinari say and as she looked round, Commander Vimes, the wizard called Stibbons, the Librarian and Angua, in wolf form, emerged from behind a row of bookshelves.

"Can you follow Contandi's trail?" Vetinari continued, looking down at Angua.

"Yes, we aren't too far away from the place where you lost track," Vimes said.

Susan noticed that he was staring at the luggage as if it was... well, as if it was a box with hundreds of little feet that was licking its lips.

"We have already lost a lot of time, unfortunately," Vetinari added and gave Vimes a look that made the commander swallow hard. Vimes knelt down next to Angua and told her to follow 'the mad-man's trail'.

So they all set off, following her. The silence didn't last even a few minutes. Everyone had too many questions to ask.

"Um, what is that chest on legs?" the commander asked.

"It's my luggage," Rincewind answered, "it saved us from a pack of broccoli."

"Ah, the broccoli. I saw them too," Stibbons contributed.

"It's sapient pear wood. It follows me where ever I go," Rincewind continued.

There were only a few moments silence, before someone had another question. This time it was the young wizard Stibbons.

"Um, your Lordship. Will you be okay at this pace? I see you don't have your cane with you," he asked.

"I assure you, I will be fine for the moment," Vetinari answered coolly.

Susan thought she heard Vimes sniggering. Stibbons on the other hand had gone quite pale after merely being stared at hard by the Patrician.

_You're a very powerful wizard, _Susan thought grimly, _and yet you are scared to death of this man in pyjamas. _

It gave her goosebumps. She glanced over at Vetinari who was now walking up ahead, abreast with Vimes.

"Sir, do you have any idea who this madman is?" she heard Vimes ask the Patrician quietly.

"Indeed I do," Vetinari answered, but their conversation was briefly interrupted by the Librarian.

"Ooook?"

"No, we don't have any bananas," everyone chorused.

Scene 5:

"Ooook, ook, oook!"

By Susan's reckoning it had been around two hours since the two groups had met up. In the last half hour of their trek the Librarian had been getting more and more jumpy, but suddenly he ran off ahead, leaving everyone else struggling to keep up with him.

"Ooook..."

When they finally came to halt they were all standing at one end of a corridor of bookshelves. The other end revealed the Unseen University library.

"That's Arch-Chancellor Weatherwax, that is," Rincewind whispered.

"But that means..." Stibbons started to say and then fell silent. He and the others all shared a significant look. That is, all apart from Susan, who was feeling a bit left out. She looked inquiringly at Lord Vetinari.

"It would seem that Lord Contandi has led us all into the past," he answered softly.


	9. Chapter 9

**_I don't own Discworld of course! PTerry does!_**

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Madness - Chapter 9

**Scene 1:**

"Do we want to involve Archchancellor Weatherwax and that other wizard over there, who ever he is?" Commander Vimes asked.

"Oh, that would be the Librarian before his accident," Rincewind pointed out politely.

"Cause they are coming right at us," Vimes continued.

"Oooook Ook!" the Librarian snorted.

"That's decided then," Lord Vetinari said calmly. In stark contrast the Librarian however was jumping up and down frantically. Susan was as unfazed by this turn of events as Vetinari was and simply wished the Librarian would calm down. Vetinari eventually turned to the Orang-utan, "Could you show us a way out of here?"

"Ooook!" the Librarian replied, with what she supposed was the simian version of a sigh of relief, though it had more in common with the sound a certain quaint, traditional blow instrument from Chalk made. Although the Librarian straight away rushed off into the maze of shelves, while the rest of the group followed as quickly as they could, Rincewind had somehow managed to outrun even the Librarian and now seemed to be leading the way.

"I say, who is there? Who or what are you?" they heard the Archchancellor's voice booming through the shelves.

Although Weatherwax couldn't possibly have caught sight of them, they had obviously not been as quiet as they thought and she was aware that up until Ridcully had taken over, the wizards had on the whole not been a very friendly or modern bunch. Blast into oblivion first, ask questions later. And then ignore the answers if there were any forthcoming, because the wizards didn't really care. They still don't, she thought, but they have to at least appear as if they did, because of PR **[1].** Not that she was worried for her own sake, of course. The wizards didn't scare her. To be fair to the Archchancellor though, who was a very imposing and powerful wizard, not much scared Susan Sto Helit.

However the Librarian's solution for getting the group out undiscovered was not quite as elegant as Susan had hoped it would be. They'd reached the back wall of the library. How that was possible, while at the same time they had just spent hours walking amongst the back shelves, was not a question Susan concerned herself with. It didn't occur to her that this was odd. What Susan was thinking, however, as she reached the back wall, was how on the disc the Librarian expected Angua to climb up to and out of a small window high above them. Wolves were not known for their bookshelf climbing skills, after all.

She wasn't the only one who had noticed this, but the Librarian was already at the top of the nearest bookshelf and was waving his arms around, willing the others to follow him as fast as they could. Rincewind didn't need to be told twice it seemed.

"I'll go with the watch-dog, and find another way out of here. I don't think we'll have too much trouble really," Susan said pointedly, in a voice that left no room for debate or comment, as she turned to face Commander Vimes.

Vimes looked startled for a moment, but Vetinari stepped in at this point, just as the Librarian started to throw books at them to get their attention.

"We'll meet you outside," Vetinari said and nodded at her. As Ponder started to climb up the shelf he turned to Vimes, "I think there is no question that they can both look after themselves."

There was no time to lose and she knew she didn't really have to explain herself. She was acutely aware that everyone here had seen her walk right through the library doors, including the commander. It should be clear to him that she wasn't quite human.

"Good, see you on the outside," Vimes said gruffly.

"Come on," Susan said to Angua, who broke into a run, which Susan found a little hard to keep up with. She noticed the luggage was following them. It couldn't climb bookshelves either.

**[1]** Patrician Relations; as his opinion is the only one that really matters and the wizards, like everyone else in Ankh-Morpork, are keen to continue avoiding paying their taxes.

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**Scene 2:**

Angua stretched. It felt so good to be human again. She had to resist the urge to scratch her ears with her feet for a few seconds, but then she hurriedly dressed. The luggage had stopped following them once she had growled at it outside the University. Angua had then led Susan into the gardens behind Empirical Crescent. She didn't feel comfortable stealing clothes, so she reasoned with herself that she was only borrowing them, as she would return them to the owner's clothesline as soon as she was finished using them.

"So, what have I missed, Susan? I have a feeling you know more than you've been telling people," was the first thing Angua said to Susan. She knew there was no point in small talk, this was Susan Sto Helit after all.

Susan gave her a sidelong glance. Then Angua saw a sardonic smile spread slowly across her face, though.

"I was not keeping information from people on purpose, Angua," she said, "But you're the first to ask me what I know of this."

"Well, what do you know?" Angua said, as they scaled a low garden wall.

"To be honest, I don't know that much more than everyone else. However, in the library, just before I confronted Lord Contandi Lobsang and my Grandfather appeared. They both told me that the Discworld might be destroyed and that I might be able to prevent it. As long as I don't act rashly, and stop to think first."

"What did they mean by that? Do they know what's going to happen?" she asked.

"I wish I knew. That vague clue was all I got out of them," Susan replied.

"Lobsang was with your grandfather?" Angua continued after a while. She was intrigued. Susan had talked about him often, but she'd never mentioned that the two knew each other.

"Well, they are both anthropomorphic personifications. I suppose they both have some sort of stake in all this. If the world is about to come to and end, it would certainly mean an increased work load for my grandfather, and we are currently travelling in time...," Susan stopped talking.

Angua knew that look on her face far too well, she was thinking about him again; about the life she had shared with Lobsang. Although now might not be the best time to talk about old flames, if he was really the personification of Time, as Susan had told Angua in previous conversations, then maybe he could help them with their current situation. Maybe she could get Susan to ask him for help. So she decided to press the matter.

"What was so special about him, Susan? I can see you are thinking about Lobsang. Why did you stay with him for so many years only to leave him in the end? What went wrong?" Angua said softly.

Susan was not often at a loss for words, but it appeared Angua had asked her a rather difficult question. For a while they simply continued to walk through another one of Empirical Cresent's overgrown gardens.

"I realised that although he's the only other half-human, half-anthropomorphic personification, the only other one like me, that this fact simply wasn't enough to keep us together. He wasn't the love of my life and I realised that after the first year we spent together," Susan replied.

"Why didn't you leave him earlier then? You told me that you two were together for ages," Angua asked and then wondered if maybe she was being too pushy. She turned to look at Susan properly, prepared to jump and hide quickly, should Susan give her the Look. But Susan wasn't annoyed at her probing questions. She had a far away look in her eyes and a wistful smile was slowly spreading across her face.

"Angua, why would I give up a relationship if I can see that it's definitely heading nowhere?" Susan said.

"Waste of time to stay in such a relationship really...," Angua replied, confused at her friend's question.

"Exactly," Susan said, "but what if time was not an issue? For us of course if wasn't and so prolonging the inevitable was not a problem either. There was no time pressure. It is amazing what difference that can make. He is the only one who is exactly like me, who can understand the way in which I exist. But... that's not the most important thing in love, is it? Being the same 'species'."

"No, it isn't," Angua said and thought of Carrot. Was he even aware that she had been gone this long? How much time had passed in the present? Or was the present frozen in some way while they were here, in the past. She didn't know.

"Can Lobsang help us?" she asked.

"He's probably already done as much as he can," Susan replied.

Ah, she was afraid Susan might say something like that. They finally reached a gate that led them out of the gardens into a back alley.

"What now?" Angua asked.

"We were meant to meet up with the others outside the University I think, but that is what I call a waste of time. I'm sure they will have reached that conclusion too and gone off in search of Lord Contandi straight away," Susan said.

"Where do we start searching? There is no way I will be able to pick up his scent, I'm afraid," Angua said.

"He wanted to erase Vetinari from the fabric of this universe. He failed to do so before, but maybe he took us back in time so he could kill him as a child," Susan suggested.

Angua nodded slowly in agreement, "We had better head towards the nicer parts of town then. We should be able to ask someone there to direct us towards the Vetinaris' mansion. Let's hurry. Vimes will go spare if the world ends on his watch."

"Maybe he will change history in a way that cannot be repaired," Susan said quietly. Angua presumed she was talking to herself.

They turned a corner and headed off in the general direction of Scone Avenue.

"Angua, what is your opinion on Lord Vetinari? Do you think he might have anything to do with the murders?" Susan asked.

Angua didn't need to enquire which murders Susan was talking about. She realised that walking towards Scone Avenue, they would soon pass the Contandi's mansion.

She shook her head emphatically, "I am sure that he has nothing to do with that, Susan. There is no way he would have done such a thing. You can trust me on this. Lord Vetinari might be a very unpleasant person, but Vimes respects him in a way."

Realising that Susan didn't really know Vimes much either, she added, "The Patrician thinks people are far more useful to him when they are alive."

She studied Susan's pale face. Eventually her friend replied, "Don't worry, you don't have to come up with a reason why he would not have killed them. I asked you because I trust your judgement. However, Contandi seems to think that Vetinari is responsible for their deaths."

"You really don't like Vetinari, do you?" Angua continued, "He's not all bad, you know. People like me wouldn't have been let through the city gates, let along allowed to work in the Watch, if it wasn't for his tolerant views."

"What are you going to do about Rincewind and Stibbons finding out about you being a werewolf?" Susan asked in an abrupt change of topic.

"Actually, I've decided it's going to be impossible to hide it from them. But I trust Vimes will get Vetinari to make sure they don't talk," Angua said, smoothly bringing the conversation back to Vetinari, the man who's life they were currently trying to save. "He might use sarcasm or irony on them," she said happily.

Susan sighed, "I did notice that even the wizards were scared of him."

"With good reason," Angua said, "Everyone should be."

"I'm not scared of him," Susan countered.

"Fine, but you should respect him, because he's probably about as dangerous as you are."

Angua gave Susan her best 'if you are going to take one piece of advice I give you, make sure it's this one' look.

Susan raised an eyebrow quizzically, and Angua couldn't suppress a grin.

"Seriously, he is. I assure you that Vetinari would not have had the little girl killed, but that doesn't mean he's not someone to be very afraid of. And I notice things when I am a wolf that escape others. Everyone was uneasy around you, scared even. Except Vetinari. Maybe he doesn't fear Death."

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_Right, I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update! :-S But here it is finally, (thanks to some gentle prodding ;) )._

_I hope you like it. I'm going to try and update again soon!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Hey, sorry it took a bit longer to update again, I was on holiday in Germany for 2 weeks, then I started a new job... then didn't allow me to upload the story... ;) Hope you all enjoy!_

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**Madness Chapter 10**

A sign swung gently in the wind. It was ashamed to proclaim that the door it hung above was currently the one leading to the Broken, rather than the Mended Drum. However, Rincewind didn't need to consult the sign to know this. The roof of the infamous inn was missing.

"Welcome to our lovely walled beer-garden, Uberwald style! It's the latest thing!" he heard the inn-keeper shout at them from inside the burnt-out shell. And who was Rincewind to refuse?

And so Rincewind, the Librarian and the luggage went about their mission over a lukewarm pint of Morporkian ale... slightly alcoholic Ankh water... actually, better just not to think about it.

"Inn-keeper!" Rincewind cried out, "You wouldn't happen to have seen a complete mad-man come through here, would you?"

The burley man who had served them gave Rincewind a blank look. Finally he said, "Plenty," and made a sweeping gesture with his arm that indicated that he thought anyone who stepped foot inside his "beer garden" had evidently lost all their marbles in the Ankh and had decided to go diving for them.

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On the other side of Ankh-Morpork Ponder Stibbons' and Commander Vimes' search was not going much better, either. Vimes had spent quite a while swearing after the escape from the Library. Their group had been torn apart when they were set upon by a group of giant ducks some student wizards had been practising on and now it was just Ponder and Vimes.

At the moment they were both standing in a lane and Vimes had ordered him to keep an eye out for little old men with brooms. Actually ordered him! The cheek! Ponder decided he would only go along with this since the world was in danger, but otherwise he would have sent that little watchman right off into another dimension of course! Ha!

Ponder watched with mild interest as the Duke of Ankh took off his boots, then closed his eyes and wondered around the street a bit until he came to the entrance of a small alleyway.

"The back of the temple backs onto this alleyway!" Vimes shouted.

"We just need to find the right garden wall and then...," but the commander never got to finish his sentence as right in front of him a small, wizened old man with a broom stepped out of the dark shadows of the alley into the light of the main street. The two started arguing almost immediately and Ponder walked over to join them.

"How can you refuse to help us? I mean, you helped me last time! I don't understand what you're saying; history is not going to change? What do you mean, this makes no sense!," Vimes was shouting at the little old man.

Ponder briefly wondered if he could use such amounts of angry energy to power a special experiment involving HEX, a red hot poker and plum pudding. Dismissing such thoughts he returned his attention politely back to the conversation at hand, hoping to find some word he might be able to pick up on that would allow him to enter the conversation in a knowledgeable fashion.

"Either going back in time changes history and it has to be put right, or it... it doesn't... I don't understand," Vimes gave up in exasperation.

Ah, finally a statement Ponder understood.

"I concur," he said, "This makes no sense."

The little old man ignored him though and remained focused on Vimes, "Look, the times are moving on. What century is this? The Fruitbat? Everything is quantum now," the old man said and lit a cigarette.

"What kind of explanation is that?" Vimes growled and turned to Ponder.

But Ponder had found a word to latch onto, it was 'quantum'. He smiled (this was a nice contrast to Vimes' scowl) and happily launched into an explanation, "Well, the whole Disc did start to change in nature after some event we can't quite pin point in recent history. The Disc, well, ... some large event made it quantum. We hadn't seen quantum before, but suddenly we discovered it, and others were suddenly noticing it too. As if us discovering the theory of quantum suddenly made quantum a reality."

Meanwhile the old man had finished his cigarette and taken up his broom in both hands. He proceeded to shoo at them with his broom.

"You're in a loop in time, Commander. Be on your way will you, so that history can take its course."

"How confident are you that it will? What have we got to do to make sure it doesn't change? There is a mad-man out there, lose on the streets of Ankh-Morpork and earlier, I mean a few decades in the future, he was, er... will be... threatening to destroy the whole world in order to get revenge on one man! And apparently he has the means to!" Vimes yelled.

Stibbons had spotted a flaw in the bald old man's logic and was eager to butt in, "But you said the flow of history was now quantum, how come it isn't this time? I mean, what if I now actively tried to change the flow? Say, killed someone's grandfather, or hey, killed my parents or something like that? What then, what are you going to do then?"

"Hit you over the head with my broom, that's what! Now bugger off!" the little man said.

Once the old man had shooed them out onto the street and left, Vimes turned to Ponder.

"He was scared, I could smell it. That last thing you said, that was the crux I think. Could he have been worried that quantum might happen and break this loop in history he's talking about?"

"Possibly," Ponder said, since he didn't want to commit himself to an interpretation. It was a reflex. Wizards didn't like being proved wrong by reality.

"And could your new gadget thing cause that?" Vimes continued.

"No," Ponder replied simply. Vimes deflated somewhat.

"Well, it could of course," Stibbons added, "Everything is quantum. But if one grain of sand drops slightly differently than Destiny would have it, is that going to change the course of history as we know it? Probably not. My new device is a machine of sorts, it shouldn't have a mind of its own. It's only a demon. If I'm honest I'd go with one of us being the problem. If one small thought, one niggling feeling falls differently in our brain, I'm staying with the falling grain of sand metaphor here, in case you were getting confus..."

"Get on with it!" Vimes growled.

"Ok, right. Well, our actions might end up spiralling out of control if we change our mind at one crucial moment," Stibbons said.

"Trousers of time theory?" Vimes said blankly.

"Yes!" Stibbons said, "Except now with added quantum! The two trouser legs exist already, both at the same time. But only one can be a reality, the other will cease to exist completely. It won't exist in another universe even. Cause of quantum..."

"I will admit, I'm a copper, I'm not a the sharpest knife in the drawer. What does this mean? How should we act to make sure that the present we know keeps on existing as well as preventing the Disc from being destroyed?" Vimes asked, "That's what I was hoping to get out of the monk."

"Well, that's probably one and the same thing," Ponder answered, "All we can do is think hard about any choices we make. One of us is likely to come to a crossroad at some point in decision making. Speaking of which, what do we do now? We must think carefully about our options."

Vimes and Ponder looked at each other, a hint of panic in both their eyes.


End file.
